Sunday Storytime: The Honest Truth

Hey guys!

So, pre-blog, I used to be obsessed with Tumblr! Which is a micro-blogging type website. It was kind of like a reflection of the war that was waging itself inside of me. I decided to go back and take a look at it a couple days ago, because I feel like I’ve come so far! I tend to hint towards what happened but I never come out and say it so..here goes…I was sexually assaulted during my freshman year of college. I didn’t tell anyone for about 6 months until I dropped out. This led to me now dealing with a lot of delayed issues which I’m told is PTSD. Looking back at the things I used to post, I realized how angry I was and how by keeping all that anger balled up inside of me that I was making myself my own victim. The people that had caused all that original hurt and self loathing had moved on..they probably were in relationships, getting married, having kids, getting promotions at work. And I was sitting at home…writing on a tumblr about how they had hurt me in the past.

LIGHT-BULB!! No..oh heck no! That’s when I totally turned my life around and decided to just enjoy the little things in life. I know I’m still a work in progress, and I still get angry now and again. But I’m able to look at things and smile…I even have a picture in my head of what my future looks like. I enjoy taking care of the kids that are around me and showering them with love and attention, just thinking about how I’m going to have some of my own some day. It’s an amazing and liberating feeling…just to be vulnerable and happy. Turning emotions that once haunted me and turning them into strengths. I’m vulnerable and that’s beautiful! I’m stubborn and insecure! But those are all things that I love about myself. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t have a doubt about myself…but all those fears and doubts, those are what make me realize I’m alive!

I just wanted to share my favorite page of my Wreck This Journal that I kept while I was going through the first bits of counseling. The concept is that you destroy the pages as you fill them up. It was a great way for me to get back into crafting. They’re nothing special, but they’re beautiful to me…

This page said to “Stand Here. (wipe your feet, jump up and down)” Sorry of the quality, I blurred it a bit just to cover the words themselves a bit more

The page says to“Stand Here. (wipe your feet, jump up and down)”

The page says to“Stand Here. (wipe your feet, jump up and down)”

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5 thoughts on “Sunday Storytime: The Honest Truth

  1. Pingback: The Liebster Award! Part 2 :) | rohan7things

  2. I just got a Wreck This Journal for myself! It’s such a great outlet when you’re so angry about something you simply want to destroy something — but if you’re like me, you won’t usually actually do it, so it’s nice to have permission!

    I can’t imagine what you’ve been through after such a traumatic experience, but I give you major kudos for working the pain into strength and trying to work towards the brighter things in life. From experience, I can say that being stubborn is actually a very useful quality when you’re in a relationship with someone in the military — not because you need to be stubborn at that person, but because it takes a certain amount of stubbornness to put up with all the craziness the military will put you both through. (It’s worth it, though!)

    • I’m the same way! I’m such a perfectionist, I never ruin or mess up anything, so it’s nice to have something that by messing it up I’m still actually “following the rules”. As for the being stubborn,it’s been very useful so far. Especially since my boyfriend can be very persistent, which is what makes him so good at what he does, but it makes it easy to just fall back and not say what I’m actually thinking. So being stubborn helps me get my point across in a way that makes him listen! lol And I feel that being stubborn is what gets me through the rough times. It would be so easy to just say, nah we’ll take a break and have a relationship later, after deployment. But that’s a cop-out. I feel like if you really love someone and feel passionate about being with them that deployment is such a small thing in comparison!

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